Previously: The rants and ramblings of a stubborn, sarcastic, opinionated, romantic cynic.
Now basically: Little snippets of my life with a preschooler and a school-aged kid.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
So, there it is. That date. No, this is not a Halloween post although perhaps that would be more enjoyable to write and to read. In this household, at least for this year, that date has other significance. Tomorrow I head back to work. I'm trying so hard not to cry as I write that. But, it is what it is. Abby and I have had a good year. Scratch that. A GREAT year. I can hardly believe how good it was. How much we enjoyed each other's company. How many days we spent wandering in the sunshine. How many little road trips we took. How many visits I've had with people.
But, as of tomorrow it's done. I leave her. For a full day. Wow.
Thing is, though. I don't hate work. I actually enjoy it. And, if I were going back to the exact same job I wouldn't have this same feeling of overwhelming dread. But, I'm not. I'm not exactly sure how it has all changed. Time will tell. But, I do know that the signs right now suggest that it won't be a job as well suited to my abilities/personality. And that's what makes the muscles in my neck and shoulders tense up. I think a hot bubble bath will be in my very near future.
In other news, November is NaBloPoMo and I've decided to give it a try. Yikes. Posting. Every. Day. (Good thing it's a short month.) I don't actually think I'm interesting enough or disciplined enough to do this. But, I shall give it a try. And hey, if nothing else, expect photos of the babe and lyrics from my favourite songs and pieces of literature I like. And maybe I'll tell some random stories from my life.
Update: Hurray, two of my friends are jumping on the bandwagon. Anyone else? Please? If I beg? Just think how much more pleasant my transition month will be if I have new entries to read every day. Hey, if you want I can even ask you some interview type questions to help get you started. (Yes, I know some of you already DO blog nearly every day. Thanks.)
Having a LOT of difficulty following instructions described as "easy-to-use" or "simple" can be very crushing to one's ego.
Update 1: It gets even more discouraging. Later I noticed the directions stated that most 9 year-olds can master it*. Update 2: I was eventually taught how to do it - by a 13 year-old. Keeping track? That's crush #3 for the ego. Update 3: I never got very good at it. During our costume party my ego suffered yet another blow when a 6 year-old informed me that "the only way to get better is to work at it over and over again." Sigh. * It, incidentally, was origami. Specifically, the traditional origami crane. There were a few basic ones that I could help the 3 to 4 year-0lds with.
Thirteen movies that made me develop a crush on the actors/characters.
1. Jack Black in High Fidelity ("Well, it's sentimental tacky crap. Do we look like the kind of store that sells I Just Called to Say I Love You? Go to the mall.") 2. Audrey Tatou in Le Fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain
3. Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. (Clementine: This is it, Joel. It's going to be gone soon. Joel: I know. Clementine: What do we do? Joel: Enjoy it.)
4. Ralph Fiennes and Rachel Wiesz in The Constant Gardener (check this out if you loved their love story as much as I did.)
5. Abigail Breslin and Alan Arkin in Little Miss Sunshine (Olive: Grandpa, am I pretty? Grandpa: You are the most beautiful girl in the world. Olive: You're just saying that. Grandpa: No! I'm madly in love with you and it's not because of your brains or your personality.) 6. Paul Newman and Robert Redford in The Sting
7. Djimon Hounsou in In America ("No... I'm in love with you. And I'm in love with your beautiful woman. And I'm in love with your kids. And I'm even in love with your unborn child. I'm even in love with your anger! I'm in love with anything that lives!")
8. Mandy Patinkin in The Princess Bride ("My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.") 9. Stanley Tucci in A Midsummer Night’s Dream
10. Morgan Freeman in Shawshank Redemption
11. Laura Linney and Mark Ruffalo in You Can Count on Me 12. Eric Bana in Munich ("Hey, sweetheart, this is your papa... this my voice, my darling... don't forget what I sound like, okay?")
13. Richard Farnsworth in (I can’t pick just one) The Straight Story or Anne of Green Gables
Here I go again. Some days it's just so frustrating to see oneself head down the same path over and over again.
For me, it's control. And, when I feel as though something is out of my control I completely fail in two separate areas. I spend too much and I eat too much. It's just so exhausting. I see my return to work day looming and it feels inevitable and overwhelming and sad and so I try to avoid thinking about it by eating too much and spending too much. I know my failings and if I were in a 12 step program I would be able to stand up and state them confidently. I've recognized them for years and yet, when something distressing heads my way I fall back into them with a sense of "I deserve this". Life sucks right now so I deserve this greasy meal. I'm bummed right now so I'm owed this new book. And I KNOW it doesn't help. I KNOW that when I review my finances I only get more down. I KNOW that when I step on the scale and see that I've gained weight (5 pounds this time around) it will only make matters worse.
I know, I know, it's a little late. And hence, the topic today.
Thirteen reasons I didn't do Thursday Thirteen today.(except that I did in the end 'cause I've been doing it for 5 weeks straight and it seems a pity to end it now no matter how overwhelming life is)
1. I was away from home nearly all day. 2. When I was home I had a project I had to get done. 3. Too busy worrying about item #1 that I can't talk about that happens tomorrow morning. 4. Too busy dealing with The Snot that has invaded our home once again. 5. Survivor. 6. The Office. 7. Too busy thinking about item #2 that I don't want to talk about that happens in less than 2 weeks. 8. Rummy-O. 9. Dropping babe off at daycare. 10. Picking babe up at daycare. 11. Too busy thinking/praying/worrying about item #3 that I also don't really want to talk about that's scary but seems to be turning out okay. (Father-in-law currently recovering from double bypass surgery and valve replacement that took place this morning.) 12. Too lazy. 13. Mainly, too uninspired and overwhelmed with stuff.
Abby is at the sitter's all by herself for the first time this morning. (Let's just say it's good that I have a project I have to get done - keeps my mind busy.)
Yes, I may as well admit - I did have a moment of panic just now when I saw the sitter's number on our call display. But all is fine. She's napping. SHE'S NAPPING! This is good news. She barely naps anywhere if there's stuff (you know, like 3 noisy children) going on.
There are so many things rushing through my mind at the moment. Things I'd like to process on here but feel I can't because one can never be sure who reads these. And so, I will tuck all of those thrashing thoughts away for now and present you one smart 11 month-old instead.
I feel the need to start this one out like my dad so often started his discussions: "Just something I've been thinking about lately"
When I was in elementary school I vividly remember learning about Nellie McClung. For as long as I can remember, I've had an admiration for this lady and what she did for women's rights in Canada and even more specifically, in Manitoba - my home province. She has been given much of the credit for getting the right to vote for women. She also had a lot of spunk which frankly, probably has even more to do with why I admire her. She is infamous for putting the premier of Manitoba at that time, Rodmond Roblin, in his place both by tricking him into a tour of Winnipeg's sweat shops so that he could see how women were being treated and by putting on a play (where she played him) that poked fun at the dangers of giving men the vote.
But, I digress. This wasn't actually to be a post about Nellie. Not completely, anyway. For you see, there was a Mr. Nellie. And this is what captured my attention recently. I find myself wondering about him. About their life together. What kind of a man was he? Did he stand by her side as she worked her magic in Canadian politics? Did he sit, together with their 5 children, impatiently waiting for her at the dinner table while she was off arguing with some politician? Did he struggle with his identity? Did he sometimes just want her to quit or to shut-up at the very least?
We don't really know. Well, except that we know one thing that might give us a glimpse into his character: Nellie married him after boarding with his family when she started to teach. His mother? Also an active feminist. I'm hoping that meant he saw the work and admired it.
Thirteen reasons I'm dreading the impending winter: 1. Icy roads. 2. Scraping ice off the car windows. 3. Bundling up the babe every time we leave the house. 4. Dry skin. 5. Static. 6. Helping Dad pile wood with frozen toes. Oh no, wait, that's from my past life. 7. No more onesies with bare legs sticking out. For her, not me. 8. Constantly feeling cold. 9. The piles of snow that build up at each intersection so that it's very difficult to see whether there are vehicles coming. 10. Fogged up glasses. 11. Invariably slipping on ice at some point and getting a hole in the knee of my pants or a sore tailbone. 12. Too much time indoors. 13. Anyone want to add #13?
P.S. Perhaps next week I'll do up a Thursday 13 of things I like about winter. Perhaps.
Read through to the last sentence and tell me you're not awed by their grace. Donations pour in
Donors from around the world are pledging money to help the families of the five dead and the five wounded in amounts ranging from $1 to $500,000. The families could face steep medical bills.
Though the Amish generally do not seek help from outside their community, Kevin King, executive director of Mennonite Disaster services, an agency managing the donations, quoted an Amish bishop as saying: “We are not asking for funds. In fact, it’s wrong for us to ask. But we will accept them with humility.”
At the behest of Amish leaders, a fund has also been set up for the killer’s widow and three children.
Yesterday I received a phone call from our future babysitter and one from a business associate regarding work. And I could just spend the whole day eating bon bons (Does that word even exist anymore? It was certainly fun to type.) in my pajamas. But I'm not going to. Not today. Just for today I'm going to
- take a long walk (it's going up to 23 degrees! In October!) - send a card and small gift to a friend - take myself out for a chai - peruse a bookstore - dream my way through some of my cookbooks - take some whimsical fall photos - buy myself a completely impractical treat
Just for today. Bon bons and pajamas can happen another day.
Thirteen moments from our holiday.The type of post that will bore nearly everyone except for maybe three people. 1. "Corrie, I'm not quite sure but do you need a red rooster twine holder?" 2. Auntie 5; Auntie 7. 3. "If Toys 'R Us sells toys what does Babies 'R Us sell?" 4. Searching for a non-chain/non-grease-filled restaurant. 5. "Oooh, I wouldn't walk in St. Cloud after dark." 6. Abigail. Slice of lemon. Losing consciousness due to laughter. Need I say more? 7. "Pam, what are you talking aboot?" 8.
9. "Look, I already HAVE salsa pants, I don't want peepee pants too." 10. Bandaids. 11. That Miguel. That laugh. Ahh. 12. "Look, you can't wear ski boots in that store." 13. Panties, a bright green frying pan, some tiny bowls but more than anything... an ironing board.