Thursday, August 08, 2013


10 years ago I was at a baseball game. I wasn't married. I wasn't a mother. I had just moved into a new apartment. I had a new boyfriend. It was a time of anticipation and newness. And then we got that call. The worst phone call of my entire life.

What a coincidence that I'd hear this song out of the blue today.

And what I'd give to go there again
Kiss my daddy's face, hold my mama's hand
Little did I know soon they would be
Lying right beside him, gone away from me
Gone away from me (Gone away from me)

Oh Dad, I miss you today just as much as I have for the 3,653 days in between. So much has happened in 10 years. It just doesn't seem fair to me that you never got to meet my kids. Goodness would you love Abby's questions and spunk and Jack's mischief. I want you to take them to see the new chicks. I want you to sneak some Gramma jam to them when they should be eating something more healthy. And the thing is, they both LOVE eggs. But beyond that I've changed too. I'm softer now. I'd like to think I'd be more willing to listen to you. I am way more interested in my history and your history than I was 10 years ago. I want to ask you so many questions.

And so it goes. We'll continue on here without you and Mom. It will be hard. And lonely. But there is good too. Much good and that's why it's worth sticking around.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Cynthia - my Dad passed away a couple of months ago. Although I miss him terribly, I couldn't help thinking when I read your post here, that my grief in losing him was/is so much easier than yours. I believe this is due to the fact that my Dad lived a life that was, in his eyes, long enough. Also he was in a lot of pain at the end of his life and although the actuality of it was sudden, we knew death was coming. In your situation these factors weren't there, and I think it just makes it a lot harder to say good bye. I can only imagine how things must be compounded with you losing your mom now as well. I feel for you roommate, and wish you all the best. JM

11:26 AM  

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