Tuesday, November 15, 2005

My weekend of emotional ups and downs

1. Disappointment.
This was our first weekend as a family (away from the hospital). I'd been home alone most of the last week. There was nothing I'd have wanted more than a weekend for the 3 of us to bond. Plus, it was a LONG weekend. Even better. But, no, my husband had to work 2 out of 3 of the days. Sigh. The one weekend all year that he has to work and it has to happen on our first weekend.

2. Pleasure.
I aim to take a shower every day. I'm determined not to allow myself to become a milk encrusted, spit-up covered Mom. At least not within the first couple of weeks. I do this right after her first morning feeding. And by first morning feeding I mean the one around 8 am, NOT the one around 4 am. Just before I head into the shower I lay her down in the middle of our bed. And, this, folks, is what greets me when I come out of the shower. Life is good.
3. Peace.
Well, if I can't have my husband home with me I may as well make the best of it. My sister, her girls, my girl :-) and I head off to our church's retreat. I had to miss this last year due to studying for a gruesome exam, REALLY didn't want to miss it this year. Knew I wouldn't last all weekend but maybe for a day. Thankfully, my sister was willing to cater to my schedule. Blessings to her. And so we went. And I got to introduce so many of my church family to my daughter. And I felt love and compassion. Again, life is good.

4. Terror/Shock/Shame/Pain/Guilt/Sadness/Vulnerability...
After the conference we headed back to Winnipeg. I had intended on heading home as I was getting rather tired from a full day of being out. But, as we were nearing my sister's house Abby started to fuss and I realized I would need to go in to feed her. Quick feeding and then home. Little did I know. As I walked up their driveway I tripped and fell. Wouldn't have been anything out of the ordinary or worth recording had I not been holding my daughter. I was holding her in my left hand (thankfully, firmly strapped in her car seat) and therefore the impact of the fall was felt fully on the right hand side of my body. I have the sore eye, strained muscles (abdomen, arm, neck) and skinned knees still. I could go on and on about the emotions of the accident but for one this post will be long enough and for another I'm trying to forgive myself for what was an accident. See the glasses and the gash above my eye? Yeah, the broken arm of the glasses was lodged in that gash. I had to physically pull it out of my eye. And, breastfeeding within moments of the fall proved to be a challenge as well. At first Heather held the compress until we came up with the hot little number seen below.

5. Joy/Love.
Due partially to the fact that I could no longer see (no glasses) and the fact that my mom and her husband were coming to my sister and brother-in-law's for supper we (J-L came too once he was done work) decided to stay for supper. And now, it all makes sense that we did. My family (1 brother, 2 s-i-ls, 3 nephews and 1 niece) from Alberta had driven some 1200+ km. to come and meet Abigail and to see us. Wow. What an unbelievable surprise. What a blessing. I felt humbled. Thanks, guys! Now only 1 brother remains who will get to meet her at Christmas.

6. Contentment.
Our first Sunday in church. It was very important to me that we have communion at our wedding. I considered it a special blessing that it just so happens that the day for communion occurred on the first Sunday we brought our daughter to church. One word pretty much fully captures that first Sunday in church as a family of 3: Home.

7. Satisfaction.
A full weekend was wrapped up with supper at the in-laws. Good food, laughter, conversation and people who love Abby with nearly the same depth that we do. Life is very good.


Blogger Heather said...

I'm glad you ended with "life is good" because with all the mix of emotions and challenges going on, you could very well have concluded otherwise.

8:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love you. I miss you ALL.

9:12 AM  
Blogger Michele said...

wow. emotional ups and downs is pretty much as understated as you could get. and that eye! how could i have missed it on sunday? i'm still trying to figure out how your glasses broke... anyway, i'll hope for smoother sailing next weekend for you and keep up the showering! it's a great, attainable goal for every day.

9:55 AM  
Blogger Tara said...

What a shiner!

I'm glad both you and Abigail are okay.

1:27 PM  
Anonymous Stephanie said...

Oh you poor dear! I'm glad Abigail was okay, and that you weren't seriously hurt. Those carseats are really God's gift to moms.

And what a blessing to spend some time with your family. Nothing like that to help distract from the other less-than-wonderful things.

12:33 AM  
Blogger schoolboy said...

I'm glad you ended with "life is good" because with all the mix of emotions and challenges going on, you could very well have concluded otherwise.

3:40 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

Who is this "schoolboy" and why is he stocking me? ;-)

8:17 AM  
Blogger DubbleUArBee said...

I'm taking a wild guess here, but does school boy write songs? And have an amazing piano-voice ensemble? :)

Your weekend - TOUGH as it was - reminds me of what you often say you want to be and what so many of us know you are: a well-rounded individual. Somebody with many interests and many supports so that when one thing goes sour, there are still other pleasures to hang on to. Like seeing Abby when you get out of the shower.

You're amazing.

2:37 PM  

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