And there it was.

Since the moment we realized back in September that I hadn't had a period I have been very skeptical about this pregnancy. We hadn't even started trying. It took us 6 months of trying the first time around. This just seemed very unlikely. Maybe there was some other reason I missed my cycle (the stress of moving? just going off the pill?)? And yet, it never came. And October came and still nothing. Perhaps?

But we waited to tell people until Abby's birthday. And even then we only told our close friends and family. There have been so many miscarriages around me. I just didn't want to get my hopes up. I didn't want to start feeling confident.

And then you add to it that I was sick 24/7 with my first pregnancy and not at ALL with this one. Weird. Suspicious (at least to someone like me who's often suspicious).

Plus, there was that fall down the stairs. That fall where I was protecting Abby but then later feared for the unborn child inside me. That has haunted me since the moment it happened.

And yet first the stick confirmed it back on Thanksgiving weekend and then the doctor did several weeks ago. Okay, but I'm still doubtful.

But then came yesterday. The second doctor's appointment. The internal. The blood tests. The weigh-in (sigh). And...

The fetal doppler.

She wasn't sure she'd be able to hear anything. At 12 weeks (our guess) it's not always possible. I said a prayer. I needed to hear it.

And I did. That little tiny heartbeat so different from my own. I didn't think it would be as significant as hearing Abby's but it was.

And I cried. And I have hope and love and I feel very, very blessed.