Scattered emotions

Sometimes emotions catch me completely by surprise. Like today.

Got home from work in the usual way. Went to my computer to read some emails that I knew were waiting for me.

One from my big brother, Brad.

One from my other brother, Dwight.

And one from my sister.

My sister is in Africa right now. I am missing her and thankfully, she is missing me. The email from her made my throat thick.

And then the email from my brother Dwight - the MP3 version of the song that he wrote and sang for my dad's funeral.

You can't imagine how it feels until you're in these shoes,
And you can't prepare ahead of time for the reeling blow and the jarring news.
You can't defend yourself against the pain you'd never choose.
You pull yourself together when everything unglues.

That's why we need a savior;
All the comfort heaven can send,
When you can't see through the blinding tears
And your heart's an open wound
And the sky comes crashing down.

And, although it's not related to thinking about my dad it's still part of the reason for the faltering emotions: My mom has a date tomorrow. And I just don't know what to do with that thought. I want her to be happy and if she can have a second chance at love I will stand by her side and support her. But, I just don't want more pain for her or for our family. Please God, only goodness. If this man is not what you want for Mom please let her see it quickly and painlessly. For now we need happiness. We need hope.