Me
Since I am feeling much better today and nearly giddy anticipating spring and the long weekend I thought I'd try my hand at a rather introspective happy post. It's been awhile, what with all the exhaustion and queasiness.
I am 35 years old. I am pregnant for the first time in my life and have been married for less than a year. And I am blessed. I am not one of those women who has spent her life longing for a child or waiting for a husband to fulfill my life. Not at all. In fact, I am struggling finding identity in marriage. I knew singleness. I was familiar with who I was and what it meant to me. I took pride in it. I was happy there. Now I'm just like everyone else. Just another couple in a sea of couples.
But I digress.
I am happy here now. Very happy. Shockingly happy. Still not regretting one moment of singleness but happy in my marriage too. Did I mention that I'm going to have a baby? That's actually what this post was to be about. Sorry, I keep getting sidetracked.
Let's see where was I? Oh yes, I'm 35. I got married at 34. By the time I hit 31 or so I had started to shut the door on the possibility of having a child. I wasn't in a serious relationship and the years were slipping away. Most days I was okay with it. I was happy and content with my life. Most days. There were Those Nights. I'm pausing here because I'm not sure what to say about Those Nights. Let's just say the "why not me?" monster invaded my home on occasion.
But, know what? I get to after all! I'm sure some of you parents out there are shaking your heads thinking "she has NO IDEA what she's getting herself into". And you're right, I've got times of heartbreak ahead. Times of cleaning up puke at 2 o'clock in the morning. Times of hearing "I HATE you, Mom!" to come.
But I also have times of snuggling under the covers. Times of discovering new bugs while we're out for walks. Times of teaching them about the wonder of creation. Times of hearing them giggle. And I get to hear someone one day call me "mommy".
God has decided to bless me and for today at least it makes my heart glad.
I am 35 years old. I am pregnant for the first time in my life and have been married for less than a year. And I am blessed. I am not one of those women who has spent her life longing for a child or waiting for a husband to fulfill my life. Not at all. In fact, I am struggling finding identity in marriage. I knew singleness. I was familiar with who I was and what it meant to me. I took pride in it. I was happy there. Now I'm just like everyone else. Just another couple in a sea of couples.
But I digress.
I am happy here now. Very happy. Shockingly happy. Still not regretting one moment of singleness but happy in my marriage too. Did I mention that I'm going to have a baby? That's actually what this post was to be about. Sorry, I keep getting sidetracked.
Let's see where was I? Oh yes, I'm 35. I got married at 34. By the time I hit 31 or so I had started to shut the door on the possibility of having a child. I wasn't in a serious relationship and the years were slipping away. Most days I was okay with it. I was happy and content with my life. Most days. There were Those Nights. I'm pausing here because I'm not sure what to say about Those Nights. Let's just say the "why not me?" monster invaded my home on occasion.
But, know what? I get to after all! I'm sure some of you parents out there are shaking your heads thinking "she has NO IDEA what she's getting herself into". And you're right, I've got times of heartbreak ahead. Times of cleaning up puke at 2 o'clock in the morning. Times of hearing "I HATE you, Mom!" to come.
But I also have times of snuggling under the covers. Times of discovering new bugs while we're out for walks. Times of teaching them about the wonder of creation. Times of hearing them giggle. And I get to hear someone one day call me "mommy".
God has decided to bless me and for today at least it makes my heart glad.
posted by ccap at 11:31 AM
4 Comments:
And sometimes, even when they're sick, you remember how blessed you are, because your independent little child suddenly NEEDS you, and though you love their independent spirit, you like the feel of them on your lap.
Yea, what Heather said...
yer gonna LOVE it! I didnt parentize till i was 32, he's almost 18 now and i wouldnt trade him for all the tea in china.
yer happiness is contagious this morning, have a GREAT weekend!
After just coming through one of Those Nights I'm surprised at my lack of bitterness reading your entry. Maybe it's because I know you did your time and have every right to enjoy your situation now. (not that others don't...) You guys will never be one of "those couples" to me. Thank you for understanding Those Nights and commiserating with me when I'm in a Mood. Thank you for understanding the alibaster state.
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