Monday, October 23, 2006

Different day, same crazy cycle.

Here I go again. Some days it's just so frustrating to see oneself head down the same path over and over again.

For me, it's control. And, when I feel as though something is out of my control I completely fail in two separate areas. I spend too much and I eat too much. It's just so exhausting. I see my return to work day looming and it feels inevitable and overwhelming and sad and so I try to avoid thinking about it by eating too much and spending too much. I know my failings and if I were in a 12 step program I would be able to stand up and state them confidently. I've recognized them for years and yet, when something distressing heads my way I fall back into them with a sense of "I deserve this". Life sucks right now so I deserve this greasy meal. I'm bummed right now so I'm owed this new book. And I KNOW it doesn't help. I KNOW that when I review my finances I only get more down. I KNOW that when I step on the scale and see that I've gained weight (5 pounds this time around) it will only make matters worse.

But HOW can I stop this stupid cycle?

I don't want to be writing this when I'm 65.

Ugh!

5 Comments:

Blogger Heather said...

Sigh. I know what you mean.

2:21 PM  
Anonymous sis said...

Transitions are hard, but you'll get through it, and get back a bit more control in your life eventually. I feel like having a child means my life is constantly spinning in and out of control, sometimes dizzingly. Can you reframe "lack of control" as "facing adventure"? Or is that too much of a stretch right now?

10:47 PM  
Blogger Raehan said...

Hug. We all have these cycles.

Just be glad it wasn't 10 pounds and tell yourself you deserve something else, like a walk or yoga session, or something that will turn the cycle back where you want it.

10:39 AM  
Blogger "D" said...

Lord. Girl...I was just composing a post of my own about something similar. I hear your cry but I've got nothin' for you. Sorry... at least, you know, I'm listening!

8:47 PM  
Anonymous Wendy said...

The thing is - you're right - you DO deserve those things. You DO need to be treating yourself really special, especially when times are rough. Maybe the trick is to find treats that don't have guilt-hangovers. :) Now, is that something that's possible or not? :)

12:04 PM  

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