Wednesday, November 01, 2006

November 1

So there it is. It's done. And mostly, I don't really feel like thinking or talking about it much. Mostly I just feel like hanging out with my family. And so, I will leave you with a list of pros and cons about the day and a quick photo of Abby getting dressed for her first full day of daycare.

Pro: Driving, in a car, by myself, thinking and singing.
Con: Driving, in a car, in rush hour, in barely moving traffic.

Pro: Being welcomed with (literally) open arms.
Con: Bursting into tears when first asked "how are you doing?"

Pro: Being treated to lunch.
Con: Getting reacquainted with all the old office politics.

Pro: Having a mindless task to do. (With it being my first day back and my brain feeling sluggish, it was absolutely PERFECT to be doing something brainless.)
Con: Still not having a good sense of what I'll be doing on a day-to-day basis.

Pro: Sitting and having coffee with several different people and catching up on bits of news.
Con: Being stuck with the worst desk in the worst spot imaginable.

Pro: I may not have to be there forever. Maybe only for a month or two. Two other job possibilities at different companies are in the works.
Con: While I'm there, at least for right now, I feel a bit like a temp. And I HATE that. It honestly feels like I went from close to the top of the totem pole to the scraping-the-grass-dog-peeing-on-me bottom of it.

Pro: Picking up my beautiful daughter at the end of the day.
Con: Dealing with a cranky daughter who's struggling with adjustment just as much as her mom and dad are.

Pro: Feeling productive.
Con: Feeling exhausted.

And that's that. I'm glad it's done. And, in some aspects it wasn't nearly as bad as I'd had envisioned in my brain and in others it was even worse. But, we shall see. If it gets better, great. If it doesn't, I'll count down the days until I can either head to a new job or have another baby.

And, now, the photo I promised. Apparently not, Blogger seems to hate me at the moment. Oh well, your loss.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Glad you both made it through the first day!

8:18 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

Oh, so I'm not the only one who burst into tears the first day back. Welcome to the club. :-)

It almost seems like clich├ęd sexism - talented and respected woman goes on mat leave and returns to find her role diminished. That sucks.

10:16 PM  
Anonymous Accidental Poet said...

Look what you wrote right there in black and white: "have another baby".


11:25 PM  
Anonymous sis said...

I agree with Heather, that sucks. But congrats on getting through the first day. I imagine some days are harder, some are easier. I find that its sometimes hard to integrate the two identities -- the new fierce "mom" identity with one's old familiar (but now strange) professional self. Good luck!

12:52 AM  
Blogger cornelia said...

Good for you for thinking of the pros with the cons. I know how tough that can be...

8:58 AM  
Anonymous Wendy said...

I feel exhausted just thinking about all the conflicting emotions. I sigh with relief - you and Abby and J-L made it through. I slouch my shoulders thinking of how tired you all are and start to breathe more shallowly thinking of the extra breaths you'll all take trying to be patient with each other.

You're right. It sucks. This transition into a vague career and saying good bye to a beautiful year of happiness.

You kept the positive attitude you set out to keep; you and Abby and J-L are still the same people that made this past year so precious.

I have no idea what to say so I'll shut up - trust a Barkman to "like the sound of her own voice". :)

12:51 PM  

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