1 year ago today (the start of several)
I always meant to record some of this but never did. I suppose it's never too late. Some of it is still very vivid. Some of it (thankfully) is fading a little. Best write it down before I forget more.
November 3, 2005
2:oo am Is that what I think it is? Could it be? I've often wondered if I'd know it when I felt it. Now I'm just not sure. No-one has ever been able to describe it to me completely. Perhaps it's just gas pains?
2:15 am There it is again. Hmm. I wonder...
2:30 am You know, I very much doubt that that's gas. Seems like it comes and goes.
3:00 am (Heart racing) Oh my. I think I'm having contractions. I know I've wanted this for awhile but I still don't know that I'm ready. I'd best let J-L sleep a bit. No point in both of us losing sleep.
3:25 am "J-L, wake up, I think I'm in the early stages."
4:40 am Wow. I really never thought it would get this intense this quickly. More than one person (including our doula/birthing class instructor) described the early stages like they were menstrual cramps. I have some pretty severe menstrual cramps but NOTHING like this.
5:10 "Moan."
5:20 "Moan."
5:36 Oh my sweet heavens above. I don't know if I can handle this. I've heard of people who go shopping or such when they're in their early stages. Holy Hannah, I can't even stand upright without support.
6:00 How am I going to endure this?
6:30 Dear GOD, take this away!
7:00 Oh, no, wait. It's going away. Shoot. You know, God, when I asked to have it taken away I was only a little bit serious. I know I have to go through it eventually. (And, since they seemed to be fading slightly J-L decided to head to work. He asks me to edit: He HAD to, his boss was in from Saskatchewan.)
8:00 am And they're gone. Drat.
I proceed with the day. Nothing too unusual. A bit of this, a bit of that. (Edited to add: Doctors' appointment at 1:00 pm. Described the night to them. Both were quite confident that was the real thing and that they'd be seeing us sooner rather than later.) Some coffee with a friend of mine around 4ish. On the drive home another contraction.
And we resume our story at about 7:00 pm.
7:00 pm Here we go again. Bearable.
7:15 pm I can handle this.
7:30 pm I am strong.
7:38 pm I am woman. I am with child. I am all powerful. Here me roar.
7:50 pm Sweet heavens above! I can't handle this!
8:00 pm I am incredibly weak!
8:30 pm ROAR.
And the next 4 hours pass by in a bit of a blur. We did, at one point, walk to the grocery store to buy some snacks for the inevitable hospital stay. But, we had to stop every once and awhile for me to endure the pain. Looking back, even a year later, I am stunned with how painful it was. Completely dumbfounded. I was not at all prepared for that. I mean, my mother had talked about giving birth; my sister had; we'd been to the birthing classes and watched videos... But NONE of it would prepare me. I mean, I knew pushing a child out would hurt but I never thought it would get so painful so fast. Within the first hour I was on all fours moaning. The only way I seemed to be able to get through each contraction was either in that position or standing up, letting J-L hold all of my weight or laying in the bathtub.
to be continued...
November 3, 2005
2:oo am Is that what I think it is? Could it be? I've often wondered if I'd know it when I felt it. Now I'm just not sure. No-one has ever been able to describe it to me completely. Perhaps it's just gas pains?
2:15 am There it is again. Hmm. I wonder...
2:30 am You know, I very much doubt that that's gas. Seems like it comes and goes.
3:00 am (Heart racing) Oh my. I think I'm having contractions. I know I've wanted this for awhile but I still don't know that I'm ready. I'd best let J-L sleep a bit. No point in both of us losing sleep.
3:25 am "J-L, wake up, I think I'm in the early stages."
4:40 am Wow. I really never thought it would get this intense this quickly. More than one person (including our doula/birthing class instructor) described the early stages like they were menstrual cramps. I have some pretty severe menstrual cramps but NOTHING like this.
5:10 "Moan."
5:20 "Moan."
5:36 Oh my sweet heavens above. I don't know if I can handle this. I've heard of people who go shopping or such when they're in their early stages. Holy Hannah, I can't even stand upright without support.
6:00 How am I going to endure this?
6:30 Dear GOD, take this away!
7:00 Oh, no, wait. It's going away. Shoot. You know, God, when I asked to have it taken away I was only a little bit serious. I know I have to go through it eventually. (And, since they seemed to be fading slightly J-L decided to head to work. He asks me to edit: He HAD to, his boss was in from Saskatchewan.)
8:00 am And they're gone. Drat.
I proceed with the day. Nothing too unusual. A bit of this, a bit of that. (Edited to add: Doctors' appointment at 1:00 pm. Described the night to them. Both were quite confident that was the real thing and that they'd be seeing us sooner rather than later.) Some coffee with a friend of mine around 4ish. On the drive home another contraction.
And we resume our story at about 7:00 pm.
7:00 pm Here we go again. Bearable.
7:15 pm I can handle this.
7:30 pm I am strong.
7:38 pm I am woman. I am with child. I am all powerful. Here me roar.
7:50 pm Sweet heavens above! I can't handle this!
8:00 pm I am incredibly weak!
8:30 pm ROAR.
And the next 4 hours pass by in a bit of a blur. We did, at one point, walk to the grocery store to buy some snacks for the inevitable hospital stay. But, we had to stop every once and awhile for me to endure the pain. Looking back, even a year later, I am stunned with how painful it was. Completely dumbfounded. I was not at all prepared for that. I mean, my mother had talked about giving birth; my sister had; we'd been to the birthing classes and watched videos... But NONE of it would prepare me. I mean, I knew pushing a child out would hurt but I never thought it would get so painful so fast. Within the first hour I was on all fours moaning. The only way I seemed to be able to get through each contraction was either in that position or standing up, letting J-L hold all of my weight or laying in the bathtub.
to be continued...
posted by ccap at 6:32 PM
4 Comments:
Oh yeah, no matter what I (or anyone else) could have told you, there's no way to prepare someone for that.
Was that a bad or a good roar.
All I can think of is "I am woman, hear me...
You know, I missed that stage of early home labor since my water broke two weeks early and I was induced in the hospital the next day. I always wondered what those first pangs would be like -- so I'm enjoying hearing your story.
Oh, I have been waiting to hear your story - keep them coming. (Is it really awful of me to like a story that involved that much pain? It's just that - like most women who haven't given birth just yet - I am VERY curious what it's going to be like when our time comes.)
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