Previously: The rants and ramblings of a stubborn, sarcastic, opinionated, romantic cynic.
Now basically: Little snippets of my life with a preschooler and a school-aged kid.
Sunday, November 28, 2004
Went to see Finding Neverland this afternoon. Ahh. Positively wonderful line in it. Peter (one of the children) is not believing in J.M. Barrie's dance with his "bear" and says to James: "It's just a dog." James' response: "'Just', what a horrible candle snuffing word." Mmm.
And upon leaving the theatre I discovered that my period started. And so now here I am at the computer listening to sad songs.
From: And I can see the sun's settin' fast, And just like they say, nothing good ever lasts. Well, go on now and kiss it goodbye, But hold on to your lover, 'Cause your heart's bound to die. Go on now and say goodbye to our town, to our town. Can't you see the sun's settin' down on our town, on our town, Goodnight.
To: I was dancin' with my darlin' to the Tennessee Waltz When an old friend I happened to see I introduced her to my loved one And while they were dancin' My friend stole my sweetheart from me
And I can't forget: Remember when I was young and so were you and time stood still and love was all we knew You were the first, so was I
We made love and then you cried Remember when
Remember when we vowed the vows and walked the walk Gave our hearts, made the start, it was hard We lived and learned, life threw curves There was joy, there was hurt Remember when
Remember when old ones died and new were born And life was changed, disassembled, rearranged We came together, fell apart And broke each other's hearts Remember when
Remember when the sound of little feet was the music We danced to week to week Brought back the love, we found trust Vowed we'd never give it up Remember when
Remember when thirty seemed so old Now lookin' back it's just a steppin' stone To where we are, Where we've been Said we'd do it all again Remember when Remember when we said when we turned gray When the children grow up and move away We won't be sad, we'll be glad For all the life we've had And we'll remember when
And "there's always next month" just doesn't make this month any easier. I know it takes awhile and it has only been 3 months but...
I am sick of feeling sick and I'm sick of studying so the subject is two-fold. I'm sick of the sore throat and the coughing and the stuffed up nose. I'm sick of not being able to breathe at night and I'm sick of having coughing fits in the morning. Enough overuse of the word "sick" yet?
And, about studying: I am finding this **** course completely overwhelming. The stuff doesn't seem to sink in and I don't seem to be able to focus enough to study for long. I try to do the practice exam questions and I'm getting just as many wrong as right. And hence, I'm fairly sure I'm going to fail the course. And I will be so pissed off if I do. It will feel like all the time I've devoted to studying (or frankly, even thinking about studying) will be for nothing. I could have been doing ANYTHING else. I would RATHER have been doing anything else. I will also be pissed off because it will be the first thing I've failed in my life and I will be the only one in the office to have failed and that is going to mess with my pride BIG TIME.
And now, I'm feeling grouchy just having written this. Harumph!
I had 2 days off in a row last week. Connected to the weekend it meant 4 days in a row where I had nothing major planned with the exception of studying. And it got me to thinking about being off with a baby. I'm looking at (assuming we can get pregnant) being off for a year for the first time in 20 years (other than school) and I'm finding that's messing with my mind a bit. I'm not sure I'll know how NOT to work. I'm not sure if I'll be able to find value in being something other than a "career woman". I'm not sure I WANT to and yet I'm also kind of excited about the change (with trepidation).
I am looking forward to Christmas. I'm not exchanging gifts with as nearly many people as usual but I'm still looking forward to it a lot. Supper with Kim, supper and a movie with Joyska, supper with Corrie, Pam and Marja... But more than anything I think it's that it's my first year as a bride. I think for the first time EVER I'm going to put up a Christmas tree. It's not that I was a Scrooge before. Not at all. I've always loved Christmas. But, it just seems that much nicer now. And it's nice to think that I most likely won't leave the Plett family Christmas in tears; feeling so different from everyone.
It's very odd to think of the possibility of being pregnant. I wonder if I am? We've been trying for 3 months now and it is definitely discouraging to get a period. That being said, won't it be dreadfully frightening NOT to get a period? I can't begin to fathom how much our lives will change. It won't be about us anymore. Will we be able to maintain our identities separate from our child? Will we be any good at raising a child? Will we become what we've disliked in other parents? Will we talk only about our child? Will we tell people "just you wait"? I guess only time will tell. And who knows, we might not be pregnant anyway.
Ooh, read a good quote this morning. Frustrates me a bit that it has to come from Oprah's website but whatcha gonna do.
There lives more faith in honest doubt…than in half the creeds. — Lord Alfred Tennyson
And now it's time to run out for lunch with Marja, Pam and Corrie. Yay! It's been a long time since just the four of us hung out. I'm looking forward to it. It's kind of because Marja and I both have the day off and it's kind of because of Pam's birthday today.
I have lost 12 pounds in the last 2 months. I can hardly believe I did it. I almost think the scale is lying to me. And yet, I am just now (in the last 3 pounds or so) feeling it in my skirts and some of my underwear. YAY! On September 1 when I set the goal of losing 20 pounds by Christmas I didn't actually have the faith that I could do it. I thought it would be like so many other goals before - failed and forgotten in weeks. But not this time! I'm very proud of myself. the one bummer thing in it all (and J-L was the first to notice this - big surprise) is that my breasts have gotten smaller too. Oh well, I guess you can't have your cake and eat it too.
My dad has been gone for 15 months now. And I think the thing that stays with me the most is that it was the end. I want more. I want more memories. I want more discussions. I can't fathom the fact that I never get to ask my dad another question. I never get to hear his opinion again. I feel like the connection to the intellectual part of myself is gone and that is heartbreaking.
I haven't been very good at keeping a journal these days, much to my chagrin. But, maybe if I can do something online I'll think of it more often and even do it at work on occasion. Why oh why would I continue to choose to use a word like "occasion"? I have never gotten the spelling down pat so I really should stop using it altogether.
Big concert announcement here this morning. Hillary Duff is coming to town. Interesting, I want to be a cool auntie and everything but I just don't know if I could force myself to sit through that concert. Oh yeah, AND, tickets range from $34 - $50. Wow!