Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Lovely words; lovely sound

"Everything is looking good". Those words from my doctor yesterday afternoon. She doesn't say much and I'm the type that's okay with that. Some women may need constant reassurance, comforting and support from their doctor but I'm completely okay with those 4 words.

And then...

She smeared some gel on my lower abdomen and applied the doppler. Nothing at first. Some swishing but nothing more. My heart fell for that brief moment. She moved it about a bit and then there it was. Quiet at first and then clearer and quite loud. Our baby's heartbeat! Wow! I often wondered what type of emotion I would feel at that sound. And, truthfully, as I'm writing this I'm still not 100% sure of what the emotion was. All I know is that it now feels Real. Up until this point it's just been missed periods, tiredness, queasiness and a slightly thicker stomach. Now I know that there is something living inside me and that is completely breathtaking. In a good way and a scary way.

Monday, April 25, 2005

Two observations

Hey, I think ANY observations on a Monday morning are pretty good.

Observation #1
My mother gets married this upcoming Sunday. At 67 years old she will change her name for the first time ever. (Her maiden name was the same as my father's last name - no they weren't brother and sister!) She is quite happy to do so and has wanted to change her name forever. I got married at 34, nearly half my mother's age. I chose to keep my maiden name. There was really no doubt in my mind that I would keep my maiden name. It's who I am and who I want to remain. To me, a last name has very little to do with how much I love my husband or how good of a team we make. This one difference between my mother and I may seem tiny but in many ways exemplifies MANY of the differences between us.

Observation #2
We are having a baby. At least I'm HOPING that's why I'm starting to get thick in the middle. My husband responds to this mostly with giddiness and excitement. I respond mostly with worrying and anxiety. This one difference between my husband and I may seem tiny but in many ways exemplifies MANY of the differences between us.

Friday, April 22, 2005


Anyone feel like solving my 2 predicaments this morning?

I am both weary and restless this morning. I feel as a result of this combination that I should get out of the office at lunchtime. However, there are several problems related to this:

- I don’t enjoy wandering the mall.
- I have no money to spend so no need to shop.
- It decided to be freakishly cold today so going outside holds little appeal.

Any suggestions as to what to do?


I’m not a fan of cell phones. However, I do have one. I don’t think I ever would have bought one but my husband had 2 so I inherited one of his. He really wants me to have one as it helps him feel that I’m safe(r). I barely ever use it and feel as though we’re throwing money away by me even having it. My husband feels we’re throwing money away by having a landline. He’d like to get rid of that and I’D like to get rid of the cell phone. Anyone have any words of wisdom for us?

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Frickin' blogger!

Some days I just want to pack up and never come back! I never said the post was going to be good or original or witty or even well-written. BUT, I DID want it to post gosh darnit! I didn't want it to slide into the nether regions of cyberspace. I know, a lesson in patience. Let it go, ccap. Step away from blogger. Breathe. Put the post off to the side and come back later on. Surely it will work later on.

Are you a team player?

I have realized lately that I'm not much of a team player. Not in the "doesn't play well with others" report card sense. I think I do play well with others and I genuinely like people. I think socializing with my coworkers will be the thing I miss the most while on maternity leave. But, it only goes so far. I enjoy chatting with them during the day, I enjoy eating lunch with them every day and I even enjoy going for walks with them when it's nice out. And that's about it. I HAVE real friends, close friends.

Today we are shutting down the office early to go play billiards as a "team". We just hit the million dollar mark in sales for the year. And, as an office that has struggled with their sales force (2 out 3 left for different jobs last year and the third one was off for 4 months due to a nervous breakdown) this is definitely worth celebrating. I get that. But, that doesn't really mean that I have to go play pool with them for 3 hours, does it? It only makes it worse that I don't LIKE pool. Seriously, I will be counting down the minutes until I get to go home. (To my Real Friends I might add.)

See? Not so much a team player.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Frickin' eBay!

This weekend I went onto eBay for the first time ever. A friend of mine had told me that there are often maternity lots on there. Lots with quite (I was so tempted to say "lots" - he, he) a few clothing items. And so I went on there. And, on a whim I bid on something. There were 40 clothing items in the lot. They were new clothes and at the first bid I put in I'd have only to pay about $7 an item for them. That's stinkin' cheap in the world of maternity clothes. But, it was only that - a whim. Nothing more. There were a few things on there that I knew I wouldn't ever wear so if I didn't bid the highest I was okay with that.

Fast forward 2 days. I now check on said item about 10 times a day. Several times I have been outbid. Crazy thing is, now I CARE. I WANT those silly clothes. For pity's sake I don't even know if they'll FIT. What is the matter with me?! I analyzed it a bit (as I am prone to do) and I realized that part of it is the sport of the bidding and part of it is the idea of having that many clothes without stepping foot in a store making me nearly shake with excitement. You see, I'm not a typical girl, I HATE shopping. And yet, with the current and upcoming state of my body I will be left with NO CHOICE. Blech!

Monday, April 18, 2005

A little blue today

I thought it was done. I honestly did. I thought I had suffered through the last of my "morning" sickness. Believe ME, I was grateful. I don't think an hour went by where I didn't relish in feeling better. I didn't take it for granted at ALL. But alas, it appears I still get to experience it a little longer. Yesterday was pretty much a write-off. I finally went to bed telling my boy that I just wanted the day to be done with. I wanted to start fresh. But, apparently I don't get to. I still feel off this morning. Dang it!

Thursday, April 14, 2005

In other news

Anyone who knows me well or has read my profile knows that I love Jann Arden - both as a singer and humorist.

And, she puts on one of the best concerts with her singing and wit.

Guess what?

She's coming to town.

And guess what else?

I GOT TICKETS (for my sister and me) FOR THE THIRD ROW ON THE FLOOR! (Yes, yelling was necessary.)

I am giddy in anticipation. The only concern is that the concert is a day before my due date. Here's hoping that either changes (the due date - I don't think they'll change the concert date just because of me) or that I'm early or late.

Apology to coworkers

When I grabbed this cardigan as I was rushing out the door this morning I didn't take the time to smell it. I realize now that that was a mistake as I probably haven't worn it in 4-5 months and it smells a bit stale/musty. I'm sorry. Please don't write me off as a slob (who doesn't do her laundry often enough) just yet.

Who knew?

Me and Britney having a baby in the same year! I feel such an incredible bond. Maybe we can go shopping for maternity clothes together. Of course, I doubt that they HAVE maternity clothes in my size at Sluts R Us.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005


I don't like large corporations that are taking over the world. Given a choice, I would rather shop at a local store nearly all the time. If not a local store at least either a Canadian-owned store or a smaller chain. For the most part I, at the moment, can achieve this. I don't LIKE shopping at That Store that starts with W and ends with Mart. I HATE Starbucks coffee. I don't have children begging me for the most recent output from the stores and producers that I avoid.

However, Houston, we now have a problem.

It has a name.

It is the Starbucks Pumpkin Scone. I do believe someone evil created these. I have no respect for them and given the option I would most likely sneer in their general direction.


And every time I buy one I feel a tingle of anticipation in my senses combined with lead in my stomach due to The Guilt.

Why oh why can I NOT find this recipe online so this madness can end?

Ah, Supertramp

A little Supertramp going through my head this morning:

It's raining again
Oh no, my love's at an end.
Oh no, it's raining again
and you know it's hard to pretend.
Oh no, it's raining again
Too bad I'm losing a friend.
Oh no, it's raining again
Oh will my heart ever mend.

Of course, once I read the lyrics I realize only the first line is true for me at this moment. At least - I HOPE only the first line is true.

Yup, second day of rain. And, so far, I'm lovin' it. I'm a fan of rain. No, not in the incessant, every day being gray and drizzly kind of rain. I think I would tire of living in a place like that. Thankfully, I live in a place with mainly sunny days - even in winter. But, this rain is good, it's needed. It was rather dusty out there with all the snow gone. This will wash the city and give it a fresh look. Mmm.

Monday, April 11, 2005

Warning! Boring documentation.

Here's what I've liked during this pregnancy:

- lemonade
- salsa
- anything Mexican (food that is)

Here's what I'm not digging much:

- tuna
- coffee
- coke

Friday, April 08, 2005

I think tonight I shall buy some tulips

It is spring here now. It is wonderfully warm outside and I am happy about that. I have a wicked cold (wicked in the bad sense not in the Boston accent positive sense of the word) but it's pleasant out, I'm wearing one of my spring skirts AND it's Friday. Ahh.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Because, when my thoughts are scattered, I like lists

1) I wonder how fat I'm going to get with this pregnancy. I am only at week 10 and I have gained more weight than I am willing to admit at this moment. I'm trying very hard not to feel guilty about it as a lot of the weight gain is due to my queasiness. You don't get the connection? Well, when I was eating I didn't feel queasy so I was nearly ALWAYS eating.

2) We looked at an apartment last night. Yeah, we pretty much have to get a two-bedroom with The Baby coming. Our one-bedroom is filled to capacity. I really didn't like this apartment much at all. And then I get down and I feel like we're doomed to some scuzzy apartment. I know that's COMPLETELY unreasonable with just one apartment but it's the way I get.

3) I work in an office of 10 people. 2 of us are pregnant. L is due in August, myself in October. I really wonder how they are going to fill 2 spots for a year. If I weren't looking forward to being away from work for awhile I would almost feel sorry for them.

4) I'd like to have the guts to go out like this when I'm showing more. I don't mean being skimpy, I just mean showing a bit of belly skin. I don't know that I will have the nerve and I DO know my mother would not approve but even if I could just do it once or twice just for me.

5) Isn't it a little early to have an itchy belly?

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Know what's fun?

Sitting at my desk with my mouth gaping open due to the inability to breathe through my nose and looking like someone who is mentally challenged.


Yes, smartie grammar geeks, I do realize that was a run-on sentence so don't think you've one-upped me.

Monday, April 04, 2005

Trying to be in a good mood this Monday morning

We're going to New York City!

That's right, in what may be our very last (besides a trip to Calgary this summer) adult only trip for many years, we are flying off to NYC this July.

We've both been before and really enjoyed it so we're going there together this time. Seems like the perfect place to celebrate the end of being 2.

The flight is booked and paid for and now we're looking at hotels. (Yes, I know it's early but you have nooo idea how much I like planning and anticipating a trip.)

Cha cha cha!

[Insert cheesy happy dance.]