Tuesday, May 30, 2006


Out for a long walk today. Lovely walk. Glorious summertime.

I saw 2 of
4 of
1 of
2 of
2 of
A whole bunch of
And 1 of these.


It's been fun but my time of being able to leave the room with her laying on the floor may officially be done. I just came back into the room to see this in her fingers on its way to her mouth.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Multiple choice.

So, Abby has slept through the night every night this week. Which means one of the following:

(a) She just went back to normal. Which means that J-L and I lay awake at night several nights listening to her cry for NOTHING.
(b) Our tough love worked. And, we can now proudly say we have it all together and are The Best Parents Ever and can start writing the parenting book any day now. Oy! I could barely type that last sentence, even sarcastically, for the fear of what now looms ahead for us due to my extreme arrogance.
(c) Absolutely nothing.
(d) She's quietly planning her revenge on us for letting her cry for long periods of time during the night. Can you hear her evil laugh? Mwah-ha-ha. It's quiet enough so that we continue to sleep, blissfully unaware.

(e) Someone has been sneaking into our home and drugging our daughter just before bed. To which I say publicly: SHAME ON YOU! and privately: Thanks! You rock!

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Is it any wonder that I laugh most days?

Conversation in our van recently:

Me: Interesting, I've never had to break up with anyone.
My boy: I've had to twice.
Me: Oh yeah? Your first wife and who else?
My boy: S____.
Me: How come?
My boy: I was 20 and she was... psychotic.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

40 Moments.

1. Taking silly pictures with our bbd’s camera; for him to discover upon developing.
2. Sifting buckwheat.
3. Eating gigantor grapes in Spain.


5. Watching her hold my daughter.
6. Hiding in the cubbyhole, giggling, thinking Mom wouldn’t know where we were.
7. Meeting her at the ferry in Belgium, holding up a sign saying "Ms. Poopypants".

8. Frantically driving 2 hours together to see our mother when our dad died. Horrible moment, made softer by the company.
9. River Avenue: The ever-present heat and the creepy landlord who would watch us from his basement window.
10. St. Mary’s Road: The leaky basement, the rug in the kitchen, the bookshelves, the fireplace.

12. Trying to be quiet and sneaky reading late at night hoping Dad wouldn’t hear us when he came in from chores. "Girls, don’t you think it’s time to turn out the light?"
13. "Oh no, not the bunnycuffs!"
14. "I want this with an off-white room!"


16. "Bonk-a-bonk-bonk."
17. Lilacs blooming on your birthday. How lovely!
18. Driving backwards to Steinbach.
19. Cooking in the little Chevette, stopping at a rest area to cool off to discover only hot water coming out of the taps.

20. The Smokehouse Café we created for Dwight and Dad.
21. The beach in Greece at dusk. Empty. Pink with the setting sun.

23. Running out after church to pick crocuses.
24. "Your nobody called today, she hung up when I asked her name. Well, I wonder, does she think she’s being clever. Cle-ver!"
25. 3 plays in NYC; 3 plays in London, England.
26. Bailing her out of prison. He, he. (J-L told me to put that one.)
27. Sitting on the floor for the Cowboy Junkies concert.
28. Butter chicken at Folk Fest.
29. Painting her home together.
30. Painting my home together.
31. Cleaning the schrout schpicka together.
32. Her surprise visit to Edmonton while I was away at college.
33. Sleeping in the Chevette, on a farmer’s field, somewhere in South Dakota.
34. Running into a train compartment, turning out the lights, closing the curtain, hoping to get the place to ourselves for the night. (Hey, it worked quite often.)
35. Writing our dad’s obituary together, in the van, tucked away on a quiet road.
36. Those moments when we’re together someplace and our eyes meet and there is an unspoken understanding.


38. Standing at the end of the driveway, waiting for the bus, searching for the first pussywillows of the season.
39. Mocking our husbands together.
40. End of the season harvesting and the potato seed fights we would have with Dwight, Jerry and James.

Happy birthday, Heather! I'm so glad God blessed me with a sister like you and I feel sorry for those who don't have a relationship like ours.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

What I wonder.

These people that send out spam mass emails about enlarging the size of a particular body part or about things gushing or the likes, how's their conscience? Do they have a moment of wondering if it's an 8 year-old's email address that they are invading? Do they feel good about collecting their paycheque? Is there anything for them that's Too Far? Would they let THEIR child on the internet?

Just something I was wondering while cleaning out my email inbox.

Monday, May 15, 2006

Mother's Day.

In light of my first Mother's Day as a mother I give you a lullabye and photo collection.

I Have You
Connie Kaldor
Some have furs and fancy cars

But I have you, I have you

Some have silk and caviar
But I have you, I have you

Some have emeralds set in gold
But none can sit and rock and hold you
Like I do, like I do, like I do

Some have lace and diamonds rings
But I have you, I have you

They always have the latest things
But I have you, I have you

Some are always dressed in style
But they will never catch your smile
Like I do, like I do, like I do

Some have homes on the finest streets
But I have you, I have you

The finest leather on their feet
But I have you, I have you

Some have wine and a castle keep
But they can't watch you drift asleep
Like I do, like I do, like I do

P.S. Thanks for the cd, Corrie and Pam. She listens to it nearly every night.

Friday, May 12, 2006

Hey, I never said I was a fast learner.

I'm pretty impressed with myself (sarcasm intended), 6 months in and I've learned two things about having a baby:

(1) When they are cranky as newborns most people will ask if they are (a) hungry, (b) tired or (c) gassy.

(2) When they are cranky at about 6 months old people will ask if they are (a) hungry, (b) tired or (c) teething.

I have no idea which it is but I am wearying of the crabby Abby. Any advice welcome.

I am sooo not in the mood for this. Put the camera down and tend to me. Seriously!

Part 2 of 2.

24. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Feeling a little bit like I'm on Barbara Walters for a moment. I think if I were a crayon I'd be red-violet. That is probably my favorite colour of the 64 box.
25. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? Easy-peasy. My husband. That would be the answer 98% of the time since I rarely use the phone as I hate it so very, very much.
26. Toes or fingers? I'd have to go with toes on this one. I have kind of a love/hate relationship with my toes. They're unusually long and I'm a little shy about them most of the time. But, at other times I feel rather proud of the fact that they are unique and I'm secretly (not so secret anymore) hoping that my daughter inherits my toes. She has her daddy's skin-tone, eye colour and hair colour so it's not all that apparent that she's mine. But if she had my toes...
27. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Again, easy-peasy. Eyes. I know, you probably think I'm saying that to kiss up to my husband with the beautiful brown eyes. But, it was true even before he came along - just ask Corrie and Pam about my little crush on my dentist. Ahh. Made the dentist visit nearly bearable.
28. Do you like the person that sent this to you? Yo, yo, yo! Absolutely enjoy reading her blog. Silly question though. Who's going to say "no"?
29. Favorite drink? Boring schmoring. Water.
30. Favorite sport? Pass. Well, unless it's the Olympics of course and then I'll watch nearly anything.
31. Favorite hair color? I'm going to be a sap for just a moment: Strawberry-blond, just like my dear old dad's.

32. Favorite office supply item? Oh my. Office supplies. Don't get me started. See #61. Seriously, I can't pick just one. Lined paper pads, pens, post-it-notes, rulers, scissors... Oh the possibilities.
33. Do you wear contacts? Nope. Can't. Eyes are too dry.
34. Favorite food? Good heavens! This is as bad/hard as the office supply question. Because it's spring and I'm longing for the garden I'm going to say boiled baby potatoes with a creamy dill sauce; toasted tomato sandwiches and cucumber salad. Mmm.
35. Last movie you watched?
Brick. Still not quite sure what I thought of it. I either liked its film noir style a lot or I was annoyed at how hard the director was trying to be vogue.
36. Favorite day of the year? I'm going with Thanksgiving Sunday for this one. As long as it's still warm out.
37. Scary movies or happy endings, or a little of both? Neither. I like sappy movies but they rarely make it on to my favorite movies list. I prefer the movies that DON'T end with a nice little bow.
38. Summer or Winter. Summer.
39. Hugs or kisses? Hugs. But, only from a handful of people. Scratch that. Only from children, my mom and my boy. With some rare exceptions when I'm feeling particularly mushy.

40. Favorite dessert? Dessert's not really my thang. But, if I'm going out for coffee and dessert (as in not just sitting around the dinner table dessert) I'd have to go with schmoo torte or a brownie with ice cream.
41. What's on your mouse pad? Nadda. It's black and bor-ing.
42. What did you watch last night on TV? It was Thursday night. Tv night. One of my favorite nights of the week and so little of it has to do with tv. (For those new here - I have people over on Thursdays. For 5 years running.) Favorite tv from last night? Watching Pam and Jim kiss (heartbreaking and sweet at the same time) and watching Mojo ride off into the sunset.
43. Favorite smells? Fresh coffee (the fresh is imperative - I HATE the smell of coffee that's been sitting in my cup too long), newly cut grass, campfires, lilacs, cowslips, grapefruit, theatre popcorn, balsamic vinegar, Mr. Clean, fresh basil... Can you tell I'm rather a lover of smells?
44. Favorite sounds? #1 favorite these days: Abby laughing.

45. Stones or Beatles? Easy-peasy. Beatles. Bit of trivia: Did you know that Paul turns 64 next month? Just like his song.
46. What's the furthest you've been from home? Australia.
47. What books are you reading?
Big Red Barn, One, Two, Three

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Part 1 of 2.

I got tagged for a meme by TB of Soul Gardening today. Truth is, I'm tickled pink. For one reason, I like lists! And for another: I like TB and would happily oblige her. But, just like her, I'm only doing half of the questions as that's all that time permits at this moment.
1. First name? Cynthia
2. Were you named after anyone? Not my first name. One of my middle names is Ann and that's after my grandma. I always felt honored to be named after my grandma but felt sad that I was never very close to her. Abby is also named after her grandma and sadly, the way life is right now, I don't know that she'll know her grandma much more than I did.
3. Do you wish on stars? Nope. Too cynical to be superstitious.
4. When did you last cry? Oh gosh. This might be too telling. Probably a few days ago. This would have been easier for me to answer when I was pregnant 'cause then the answer would have been in number of minutes.
5. Do you like your handwriting? Yup. Love it. Always have.
6. What is your favorite lunch meat? Oh boy. Lunch meat? Hmm. Old country bung bologna still brings me back to my youth so for right now that's what I'm going to say. I know, I know, group shudder.
7. When is your birthday? December 25, 1969
8. What is your most embarrassing cd? Well, we purged when we moved but before that I actually had a Shania Twain cd. Pam! Quit your smirking. To give me a tiny bit of credit: It was a cd that she made before she became The Shania.

9. If you were another person would you be friends with you? Yeah, I think so. Although, I'm quite sure I'd roll my eyes at myself sometimes behind my back.
10. Do you have a journal? Yup. I've had one for as long as I can remember.
11. Would you bungee jump? Doubt it. Not scared or anything, just not my cup of tea.
12. What is your favorite cereal? Oh man, this is getting too personal. ;-) Grown-up cereal? Probably Special K Red Berries. But, I'm not grown up so I'll have to go with Lucky Charms these days.
13. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Nope. Sorry, Mom.
14. Do you think that you are strong? Emotionally or physically? I used to but then I got pregnant and I no longer felt emotionally strong and then I gave birth and now I no longer feel like I'm physically strong. I know Abby came out but I still have a nagging feeling of failure regarding her birth. Just didn't feel like I did it right. I know, it doesn't make sense but in my messed up head it does.
15. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
Hands down - vanilla.
16. Shoe Size? 8
17. Red or pink? RED, RED, RED. The other option makes me shudder just a little bit.
18. What is your least favorite thing about yourself?
How much time do you have? Physically? My teeth. Emotionally? Oy! Too judgmental. I've been fighting it for years and I'm not sure I've made any progress yet. Sigh.
19. Who do you miss the most? Finally an easy one. My dad.
20. Do you want everyone you send this to, to send it back? Hmm, apparently this meme started out as an email forward. I'm not sending this to anyone. I know others aren't as fond of these as myself and I don't deal well with rejection.
21. What color pants and shoes are you wearing? Oy! Wish I'd changed before starting this. ;-) I'm wearing a pair of pants that can really only be referred to as housepants. Horrible, ugly black and blue things that if you showed up at my house right now I'd have to change before I let you in. No shoes.
22. Last thing you ate? Some raspberry yogurt.
23. What are you listening to right now? This very second? Weakerthans. Oh, wait, Don McLean came on just as I was typing this. Ahh: Starry, starry night. Paint your palette blue and grey. Look out on a summer's day, With eyes that know the darkness in my soul. Shadows on the hills, Sketch the trees and the daffodils, Catch the breeze and the winter chills, In colors on the snowy linen land.

'Kay, I really need to run now. Hubby's picking me up in about 3.8 minutes.


Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later. I've been waiting for it actually. That's right, my daughter just rolled off the bed. While I was at the computer reading blogs nonetheless. Shameful really. I'm sure most women would bemoan what horrible mothers they are for such an atrocity. So, can anyone explain to me why I can't seem to stop giggling about the whole thing? Seriously! What's wrong with me!?

Perhaps it's that she's been driving me a little crazy with the whining today and there's a small part of me that triumphantly thought "aha! NOW you have something to whine about."

Perhaps it was the "plop" sound followed by me frantically turning around to see her face down on the floor, completely surprised by what had happened.

Please, before you get on the phone to call CFS: (a) we have soft rug in our bedroom, (b) everyone's fine: Well, except me, *I* obviously have some sort of sick sense of humour. But, CFS can't really help with that.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Just the facts, ma'am.

Abby had her sixth-month appointment yesterday.

She weighs 15 pounds, 12 oz. and that is at the 36th percentile for weight.
She is 27.75 inches long that is at the 95th percentile for height.

Be curious to know what kind of percentile *I* fit in. NOT.

Monday, May 08, 2006

39 Moments

1. Grasping his hand (tightly) during each contraction.
2. Watching him dance with his daughter.
3. The giddy smile that appeared on his face the moment he was about to propose.
4. That first bouquet of flowers that I received at work. July 28, 2003. Many more received after that but that one still the most beautiful.
5. The card with those flowers: "Let the wooing begin." Swoon.
6. Being supported by those strong shoulders as I left the Goldeyes game heartbroken on August 8, 2003.
7. Silly poems.
8. Silly song lyrics.
9. Cooking our wedding meal together.

11. "I’m feeling good about it."
12. Those brown eyes. They light up when he sees me and I don’t know what I ever did to deserve that.
13. Saturday morning cereal.
14. Sunday morning bagel, coffee and chocolate milk.

16. His respecting that we needed to come home early from our honeymoon so that I could abandon him and head to folk fest.
17. Being able to make him a dad.
18. Watching our nieces jump all over him pretty much every Friday night and a lot of Sunday nights too.

20. Receiving this in an email while we were trying to get pregnant: "The details of our life are not important; being with you is. "

22. Holding his hand while driving.

24. Watching his smile broaden and his eyes tear up when we heard our baby’s heartbeat for the first time.
25. Being my photography assistant.
26. Driving to Grand Forks to see The Barenaked Ladies.

28. Getting off a plane to see his face smiling at me at the bottom of the escalator.
29. Spontaneous dances in the kitchen.
30. Planning our summer trip together.
31. "I choose you to take up all of my time. I choose you because you’re funny and kind."

33. Throwing our mattress down on the floor in our new apartment to fall into an exhausted sleep.
34. Wandering the streets of NYC with him.
35. Wandering the streets of Boston with him.
36. Wandering the streets of Winnipeg with him.
37. Wandering the streets of Jasper with him.
38. Wandering the streets of Chicago with him.
39. Looking forward to many more years of wandering with him.

Happy birthday, J-L!

Friday, May 05, 2006


When we were young we didn’t travel much as a family. Our idea of a trip was the occasional excursion to Landmark or Arnaud or to Brandon to sell pigs. Those were good times. I fondly remember begging Dad to drive through The City so that we could see the Christmas lights. Or, stopping for the chocolate covered donut on the way home (trust me, I wanted it on the way there) from Brandon. For the most part I was super-jealous of my siblings who went to school when I stayed home. But, not when it was time to ship pigs. That I got to jump into that red truck for a few hours every so often while they trotted off to school was a delight. Sometimes we even went to WINNIPEG which then entailed a whole other begging: "Dad, can we pleeeease drive by the golden boy."

But, I digress.

I think my love of adventure can be tracked back to something even smaller. Something nearly forgettable. Miniscule and insignificant. It happened mainly on Sundays. It was usually when Dad was in a good mood but there were also times it happened when Dad was concerned about something. I can elicit the feelings involved to this day. The unexpected. The unknown. The Adventure. We would be driving home from church and be getting close to our driveway. Mom’s chicken, potatoes and corn nearly palpable. Languid moments laying in the living room sun before "girls, it’s time to set the table". Comfortable, familiar. But then, out of nowhere Dad, with a smirk on his face, would miss the turn for the driveway and we knew. It was time for a little joyride. It could be just to drive to the pasture and check on a calving cow. Or, it could be down Raspberry Lane to see how the crops fared from the rain the night before. Some days it was farther away, some days it was less than a mile. No matter what, only Dad knew and we waited in anticipation.

It was an adventure.

I remember taking a walk with my nieces and nephews once and asking one of them if he wanted to go back to the campsite. "No," was his reply, "I want to see what’s down that next path." I smiled. I understood.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

By request.

6 things I love about my Little Joe (in honor of her turning 6 months old today):

- How her face lights up, her little hands go into her mouth, and how her pudgy legs start to kick when she sees me walk in the room;
- How her and her Mommy can make each other laugh simply by making faces at each other (and how much I enjoy watching them);
- How she has discovered her voice, and can chatter at length, carrying on a conversation with her toys, her parents, or herself;
- How good she feels in my arms;
- How great of a traveler she is (several trips to NW Ontario, one trip to see Grandpa, and countless mini-excursions);
- How any time spent with her is a good time, no matter what we are doing.

And a bonus (because there are a lot more than 6 things, and because I can):

- How grateful, lucky, and blessed she makes me feel for being her Daddy.

Abigail, I love you very much, and I will always be here for you. I can't imagine life before you. You are my little girl, and I am a better person for being your father. These 6 months have passed by so quickly, and you amaze me every day with how much you are growing, how you can sit up by yourself, roll around on the floor, and develop your own character. I can't wait for the next 6 months (although they will pass too quickly).

Love always,


Oh, the Places You'll Go!

A couple of days ago I came home with a little treat for our family. A road atlas! For our trip this summer! Looking through road atlases and buying one for me is equivalent to shoving a needle into a heroin addict's arm. Except cheaper and not illegal or life threatening. Okay, bad example but I think some of you get the picture.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Fence, Grass, Green.

Sometimes, I hang out with her wishing she would go down for a nap so that I could have some selfish time. And then other times, I sit wishing she'd wake up so that we could hang together.

Crazy life.


Someday the curve in between your nose and forehead will not be such a prime kissing spot.
Someday you will not be astonished at the water in your face when you kick your foot in the tub.
Someday we will not have day after glorious day reveling in each other’s company.
Someday you won’t let Auntie Corrie kiss your bald spot.
Someday there won’t BE a bald spot.
Someday you won’t stare in wonder at your hands and be amazed at the movements they make.

Someday you won’t giggle as your daddy wanders from one side of the kitchen to the other to wave hello from each doorway.
Someday you won’t fall asleep on my chest, hair becoming matted with sweat.
Someday you won’t grasp my bra as you suckle at my breast.
Someday you won’t sit on my lap as I type, aching to reach the keyboard.
Someday the thought of grabbing your toes and sucking them will be unappealing.

Someday you’ll want me to come on my blog and remove any embarrassing photos.
Someday you'll leave me.
But, that day is not today and for that I am glad.